I have a sneaking suspicion that many people assume that when a missionary comes back to their home country, (either for a break or moving back from the field) that life will be so much easier for them because they have returned home.
Unfortunately this is not the case for many missionaries. The truth is, it may no longer feel like it is their home. Experts refer to this as reverse culture shock , and as a returning missionary myself, I can testify that it is very real.
Why Reverse Culture Shock Happens
1. So Many Things Are New
People returning home may have to learn a new way to pay for items, get used to new technology, re-learn to drive in different traffic conditions, or find new places to shop. Things have changed and learning new things isn’t always easy – especially when you feel like you should know how to do something because it’s your home country and you can speak the language and not knowing makes you feel dumb. All the time.
The reality is, we as missionaries expect to feel this when we go to another country. We are excited and ready to learn new things and we expect to feel stupid at times – especially when we don’t know the language. But when we return home and we don’t know… that feels like a whole other level of stupid.
2. We Don’t Know Where We Fit Anymore
When missionaries return home from the field there may be people in their church community, family or friends that have moved away, got married, had babies, or even created whole new friendship groups without you there.
Also, when returning home our roles often change. On the field I was a mother, homeschool teacher, and a language and culture learner. When we returned home, all those roles changed, even my role as a mum changed.
Having my relationships and my work roles change lead to a feeling of not knowing where I fit anymore.
3. We Miss The People, Food, And Culture That We Have Served In
Learning to live in a new culture was difficult, especially at first when I didn’t know the language or culture. At first, I questioned the parts of culture that were different to mine and struggled at times to understand the differences. As time went on and I developed relationships, I started to understand the culture. My worldview of what things should be like in a culture changed, and I now struggle with some things in my own culture. While I still don’t agree with or understand everything in their culture, there is still a lot I do miss.
How The Local Church Can Help
The International Missions Board, in an article titled Reverse Culture Shock: When Home No Longer Feels Like Home the author, Meredith Cook, suggests four ways that the local church can help people experiencing reverse culture shock:
1. Pray
That they would transition well, and that God would provide for all their needs while setting up. This covers food, housing, transport, and a good place to worship.
2. Receive Well
Listen to where they came from – the culture and ministry they were involved in. Ask if there are friends left behind who they can pray for. Allow them to share their struggles with you. Show hospitality and introduce them to new people.
3. Be Patient & Respond With Grace
Just because something feels normal to you, it doesn’t mean it is normal for someone else. The missionary may be struggling with how many food options there are, the prices, or the method of payment. All of these can cause confusion and frustration to a returning missionary, so please respond with patience and grace when dealing with them.
4. Offer Practical Help
You could support them by offering to look after the kids while they search for a house, lend them transport while they look for their own, and give recommendations for good health care providers and mobile phone companies. You could even pass on information regarding potential job openings.1
This letter below was written by Heather Fallis, who is the writer and creator of the Liturgies for a life abroad. Her letter, written to her loved ones at home when she was returning from the mission field, aptly summed up my feelings. In sharing this, my hope is that you may better understand the feelings that are brought up by reverse culture shock.
Dear loves ones back home,
I am returning to you. I am filled with joy at the thought of seeing you again. I am overcome with heartache at the thought of leaving this place I love. Please, let me feel both things, for I will not love you well if I do not grieve well.When I return and I am wrestling with deep sadness over the overseas home I’ve left behind, know that my grief for what I’ve left doesn’t diminish my love for you. Don’t read my grief over what I’ve lost as dismissal of what I have gained.
I do not love you less because I love my home abroad. On the contrary, moving overseas increased my capacity to love. My heart has stretched wide, and I now hold so many more people and places in it. But you, my dear loved ones, will always be the first ones that took residence in my heart.
You may not realise, but I’ll come back, and everything’s changed. I will need space and time and grace to learn how to find my footing here again. But perhaps what’s changed the most, is me. I am not who I was when I left. It will take me a while to figure out how to feel at home.
When the cereal aisle makes me cry, or the constant A/C makes me cold, or the restaurant menu given me anxiety, be gracious to me and remind me that this will get easier.
I want to share my experiences abroad with you. There will be things you won’t understand, things you don’t relate to. That’s ok. Listen. Ask questions. Be patient. Some things I will be ready to share straight away, others I will need to ponder in my heart a while first.
Don’t give up on me. Be gentle with me until I figure out how to unfold the layers of my overseas life here in a land that feel foreign.
When I have days that I just cry for no reason, or can’t make decisions, or talk too much about my home overseas, show me grace. Even though I might not know how to say it, I need you.
Even though you cannot understand all I am going through, your prayers and presence matter. And even though I may always miss my home overseas, I will always be grateful for this one, and for you, my people, who remind me that I belong.
Love me.
In writing this article, I hope to give some understanding both for those who know someone going through this, and for those that are experiencing it, to know that they are not alone and that this is a totally normal thing to experience, and it should get better over time.
- Cook, M (2019, July 10). Reverse culture shock: When home no longer feels like home. https://imb.org/2019/07/10reverse-culture-shock/ ↩︎
